A New Kind of Normal

Today I took my Dad for his fourth and final day of his stem cell harvest. It was a really nice day and I realized how much I have come to look forward to the days that I take him to treatment. I found out my Dad had a tumor on his spinal cord on my 3rd day as a registered nurse in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit. My Dad, one of the healthiest people I know, has cancer? Lying in bed the night before the surgery, I tried out the words in my head: "My dad has cancer." It felt so foreign on my tongue.

I would say I am a optimistic realist. Not a fake, never-gonna-happen, sickly sweet half-glass full kind of girl. But rather, I just try to find the best possible outcome in every situation. And while I definitely don't LIKE the fact that my dad has Multiple Myeloma- I think it SUCKS- there have been some positive memories as well. The first happened the weekend of his surgery. My brother came down from Minnesota to be with us, and we spent that weekend hanging with my dad in his hospital room, eating Portillos, and playing games. It was the first time that we had spent time as "the original family of four" for a long time. I love my husband of course, and my sister-in-law and niece, but there is something to be said for being able to spend an extended period of time together as the original 4. The people who have known you for your entire life, who you can be your authentic self with at all times. My dad felt bad as I missed the wedding of a good friend in Colorado to be with him, but honestly, there was no place in the world that I would rather have been. It was a great moment, and I was so happy to be able to share a similar time together this past Monday on the first day of the stem cell harvest.

I have also been able to spend a lot of quality time with my Dad. Hours of time just sitting together, waiting for an appointment or a test, just passing the time in the hospital by talking. We talk about myeloma and his treatment plan- but we also talk normal things as well. Everyday life. Time that we would not have had if he had not gotten sick. Fact is, most of the time, the world moves too fast. We don't take the time to just sit and talk and catch up. There is always someplace we need to be, something that needs to be done, that we miss these moments. So, I feel like the luckiest girl around to be able to spend this kind of time together.

Yesterday, a girl at work mentioned that she saw my pictures on facebook of the stem cell harvest and asked what was going on. "My dad has cancer, but he's doing great." I told her. And I noticed, for the first time, it felt ok.